The scars of trauma.

As hard as I try to lay my head down to sleep, the pictures inside my head refuse to cease

The pain & fear I felt then, is filling my body & soul again, the smells are coming back to haunt me

I can feel the iron grip of my biggest foe, the anxiety that I always keep just below my skin, it’s a beast inside that scratches & bites to come out

I always thought this would be my life, who wants to love a damaged soul, a person with scarred skin, & a soul that I am sure has a black mark end to end

Then you knocked on my door, you were respectful & gave me time, as is without a word you understood, you saw I had so much pain inside, I had no belief I could be loved

When I finally gave in, I finally found my safe haven to aid my sleep, not only to keep the beast at bay, but when the nightmares kicked in, you were there softly bringing me back

It was not easy, I fought to accept you could love someone as damaged as me

I tried to hide my scars, the physical scars are not so easy to hide away, they are there for all to see, to me they are all I see

You wouldn’t have this, you told me time & time again, you loved me scars & all, you made it clear to you the scars on me were just another piece of my map

You told me, they are just apart of you, they are not who you are, you are more then that, you are so much more that you realise

When I finally let that sink in, I gave myself permission to be loved

To be happy within, to trust another soul, to finally let down my walls, to give myself permission to be happy & loved.