Scars on my soul.

The bird was laying on the ground, it was breathing, ready to give up

I scooped it up, it’s wing was broken, it’s leg was cut, the little bird put up no fight

I could imagine how it’s feeling, full of pain from the break, cuts & bruises

Full of despair, no hope left in its eyes, it’s spirit broken

I chock back tears, I can feel everything the sweet bird is feeling

I can feel the pain, trauma & despair

It is no bird, it’s my spirit I hold, broken from all I have been through

Not today I say, I want to give in, the desire to just let go is so strong

Not today, I pull myself back from the edge, I force myself to take some deep breaths

Not today I repeat, I force myself to feel something else

I can feel the despair ease, I can see a glimmer of hope

I grab on, I force myself towards the light, I stand up

I can do this, I tell myself, you can get through this

I slowly let the hope fill me up, I open my eyes, I am still here

My spirit is slowly healing, there will be a scar, a scar to say I can

To remind me I am still standing.

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Windows to the soul.

I look into your eyes I see all that you are

I see the kindness, love & care you give to the elderly, it’s not just a job the care you give

I see the knowledge of what is coming, your intuition calling you

I see the hesitation to trust another, to trust you will not be left broken again

I see the desire to be loved for who you are, not who they could change you to be

I see your pain, the years of being left to fend for yourself, you were just a child

I see the strength of you, the absolute pillar you are to stand on your own two feet

I see how you fight the need inside to relay on another

I see your love, your love for me, the pure force of love that you did not expect

I see your trust, your trust that I will not leave you broken, I will love you for who you are

I see you finally reaching peace & understanding that you are no longer alone

I see you close your eyes & sigh in contentment, you have found where you belong.

Surprise gift.

My father passed away in January. We were very close, he was not only my father, he was my mentor, he really helped me control the beast that is bipola.

He was a incredibly smart man, he was a genius, this was clear by the people that sought him out to consult on political campaigns, business in change management, giving talks at businesses, the list could go on.

As a big of a ‘hobby’ he used to help out his friends with their businesses or the project they were working on.

I received a call today from a very close friend of his, Dad was starting to help him rebrand a company, focusing on the mental health of young people.

I excepted it to be a quick hello & checking in with me.

I WAS WRONG!

He quickly proceeded to ask me if I could step into my dads shoes, & help him with the rebranding. I have no experience in this field, however he is a genius, he knows me, he believes I can do it.

So the first challenge is leading to believe in myself. I just need to get past the shock of being asked to do this, & feeling overwhelmingly humbled.

Me.

As I look back over the past 18 months, so much has changed.

I am a very social soul by nature, however I have always been more comfortable on the other end of the phone, or having a few friends at home.

For me, who had been thrust into being a single mum due to tragic circumstances 18 months before, being at home was somewhat a welcome break. I could just be at home, work at home, everything!

Of course I felt lonely, I had become accustomed to that feeling.

Most people have said how much their relationship suffered, how being together all the time was an eye opener. I did not envy them, until a beautiful woman knocked me down.

We met in unusual circumstances, during a pandemic there is no other way to meet, we had met briefly before, she knew my story well.

We were talking when I was visiting my wife, in the facility she now lives, unable to move or talk, all of that was taken in a flash. This woman was saying, like so many others, she could not get basic food.

I explained that I had enough to share of the basics she might need, she quickly accepted my offer, we exchanged details, she said she would be over after work.

She came at 4pm & left at 3am. We kept talking online, when she asked if I had considered a relationship again.

That was that, here we are, blissfully happy, she knows she shares me with another, it is a unique situation.

Unique in so many ways, both of us have bipola, I have PTSD & anxiety. This could be complicated, which is why communication & always working on our relationship is the way we make sure we are ok.

I somehow found happiness again, during the darkest of times for society.

Ellpoet is a page of unexpected poetry about love, life, bi pola & PTSD.

I write poetry that is unexpected, raw, from the heart & mind, I don’t shy away from being emotional, & real in my writing.

I have bi pola & PTSD, both of these I write about, to help me cope & share experiences.

This is what I write. Than I also write about life experiences that have a profound effect on me.

I hope you enjoy my poetry, please leave a comment, I love to know if someone relates to it, or if you have any feedback.

The beautiful demise.

The beautiful blonde walked out the door ignoring the eyes on her
She knew they were there but only cared about one set watching her
She could feel the eyes watching her & felt a little more special 
She knew it wasn’t just because of her beauty or swagger
It what was inside that was loved the most 
The scars, bruises & marks she knew all to well
She knew these were loved no matter how much she despises them
Remember she says to herself, that I am special & loved
I am the one written about 
I am enough.